Since I’m busy elsewhere during MoFo month, I asked some special friends to help out over here. I somehow got my hands on this draft of a letter to the German edition of Cat Fancy, and well, how could I not share it with the world?
Guest Post: Mädchen
Friend: Michele, Vegtastic Voyage
Sunshine, blankets, olive oil—I’m a really down-to-earth girl. My favorite possession is a 10-year-old brush that’s really a dish-scrubber. It smelled weird when cold-roommate brought it home, but she said she just needed to “wash the Chinatown off,” and then it was cool. Oh, and I love books. I can’t read or anything, but I’m really into this lying on them (especially when someone is trying to read them).
Drunks and kids. Their erratic behavior confuses me. I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life, but if you come at me all out of control, I’m out of there. If everyone would just cool out with a bit of ‘nip, now there’s a vibe I can get down with. And don’t even think about dressing me up. I see all those fool dogs in their Halloween costumes and it makes me sad. We’re not humans—don’t put your trip on us.
How do you keep in shape?
I’m all about staying fit. At my age, every lick of Tofutti goes straight to my hips. My roommates are great about sparring with me, running around our pad, and they’re way into stringplay. I’ll admit, one thing I was all about as a kid but have let go is jumping up door frames. I used to be able to hit the high hinge with a running start.
Any indulgences you’re not proud of?
I already mentioned the ‘nip, didn’t I? No, you know what, I’m not ashamed of that. It’s an occasional treat, and it don’t hurt a soul. And the roommates get mad at me for eating things like pepper leaves and flowers—even though they’re just sitting right there. But there’s stuff I know I shouldn’t eat: Coconut Bliss, anything chocolate, nooch, potatoes, cookies…basically anything cold-roommate eats that doesn’t have garlic in it. I’d be better off with just warm-roommate; he eats lots of the same stuff, but he ruins everything with hot sauce.
What do you look for in a human?
I want someone who’ll meet me at my level. I just want respect, like any other cat. Someone who tries to pick me up right away—as if they own me—well, they won’t be holding me very long, I can promise you that. And body heat. I love cold-roommate because I’ve known her since I was a kid, but warm-roommate, damn, he’s comfy. I can sit on that lap until the end of time.
Sum it all up for us, what is Mädchen all about?
I’ll steal your water or I’ll steal your heart, your choice.