It’s A Rough Life: Gnocchi’s Guide to Eating, Sleeping & Stirring Up Trouble

Since I’m busy elsewhere during MoFo month, I asked some special friends to help out over here. Today’s post gives us a glance into the fuzzy, creative genius that is Gnocchi the bunny rabbit.

Guest post: Gnocchi

Friend: Kelly of The Vegan Cookie ConnoisseurSeitan Beats Your Meat

Duiiiiiii./d´÷´\\ cvmcv cv gvg.hv;fcllllv. ;ddkxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxcflbn.ddnxzzzzzzzzzzzzndxxxxxxxxgbb bb k,,,,,,,,,,,,cv jcfjfgkhb;rtr4mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmcjk*

*I have no idea what that says (he doesn’t know how to read, but he thinks he knows how to write), but I don’t want to hurt Gnocchi’s feelings. Luckily, he got tired of typing and asked me to type for him. –Kelly

I love eating. And pooping. Then eating again. Repeat all day. My food tastes the best when I tip over the bowl and it spills all over the place. I’m super chubby and I like to sleep and I’m SO adorable. I like to read blogs and hang out in Kelly’s lap when we’re on the internet. We take SO many pictures. 99% of our Photobooth collection is pictures of me. My favorite foods are honeydew and apples.

I hate toys. I would much rather eat other fun stuff like the kitchen chairs, the bathroom door, Q tips I find on the bathroom floor, folders and cardboard under the couch, and Macbook cords (I destroyed one with a little bite this one time. It was HILARIOUS). Once I tried coffee but I didn’t really like it, so I tipped the cup over onto the carpet in protest. Ripping up the carpet is a lot of fun too.


I model for Upton’s Naturals during the day when Kelly is gone. I’m also a professional napper and a catnip dealer. If you’ve never tried it, Carrot Seitan is DELICIOUS!

I REALLY hate getting my hair did. But I love cuddling so I dealt with it. Plus, the ‘do looks great. If we super duper cuddle and you’re really quiet, I’ll make little squeaky noises.

I love donuts, but I love wine even more. I want to be a unicorn for Halloween. I hope I get to eat lots of candy and poop rainbows. 

Kelly’s friends over at Canary Confectionery made a cake version of me. To be honest, I was TERRIFIED, but they said it’s more scared of me than I am of it.

Did I mention I love cuddling? I like to pretend I’m too big for baby talk, but I love that shit. That’s how I get new nicknames everyday, like squishable cutieface baby bunny boy, fluffy puppycakes, or pumpkinbutt. But now I need to take a nap and dream of eating. Goodnight!

Hazel Street Eats

Since I’m busy elsewhere during MoFo month, I asked some special friends to help out over here. Big news – I’m interrupting our regular string of feline themed-shenanigans for a visit from a dog! 

This unique contribution comes from Vegansaurus co-founder Laura Beck, her boyfriend, comic artist Jonas Madden-Connor, and features their pup, Hazel. Don’t worry, guys, Laura assures me that Hazel is vegan at home, and turns freegan on the streets. I’m not saying I approve, but I have known many folks with similar lifestyles, myself. You’re such a cheater, Hazel!

“I swear, she loves being vegan—devours her V-Dog like a maniac—but all bets are off when we hit the streets!” – Laura Beck
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This artiwork first appeared in the Comic Book Guide to the Mission, published in 2011.

Thanks, Hazel! Photo credit: Vegansaurus.com

Vegan Food Reviews by Agnes

Since I’m busy elsewhere during MoFo month, I asked some special friends to help out over here. First up, a contribution from my goddaughter, who’s on her way to becoming a wonderful little vegan food critic…

Sometimes I like to help in the kitchen.

Guest Blogger: Agnes
Special Friend: Alanna Maeve, Heartichoke Supper Club

I’m not vegan, but like many Portlanders, I do enjoy vegan foods. In
fact, I was born in the home of the proprietors of a vegan-friendly
taco truck. I’ve never actually eaten a taco, but I feel like I would
really like it.

I thought I would review a few vegan foods for you today. While I
mostly eat fish (that’s at least vegetarian, right?), these foods add
some fun to my diet. Sometimes eating them  also makes my roommate
yell at me which is fun too.

Nutritional yeast

I love this shit. I get all excited when my roommate gets it out to
make mac and cheese or whatever and try to act cute so she gives me
some. Then she curses my name when she realizes she doesn’t have
enough left over for her recipe. One thing I don’t like is how my
roommate tries to trick me with it sometimes. If food has been in my
dish for more than a few hours (which happens a lot, I really try to
eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full like I read in Eat to
Live), I’m obviously not going to eat it—it’s totally stale. I have
standards, after all. But sometimes my roommate puts nutritional yeast
on that totally stale food to get me to eat it. It worked the first
few times, but I’m smarter than that now. Now I just lick it off and
ask for new fresh food over and over and over again until she finally
relents.

Hummus

This is possibly my second favorite food. Apparently it has garlic in
it and cats aren’t supposed to eat garlic so my roommate really tries
to keep it away from me, but I really don’t care. That shit is
delicious.

Hanging out with my roommate.

Dave’s Killer Bread

Bread is the BEST FOOD. It is SO GOOD. Dave’s Killer Bread is the best
bread, but really I’ll eat anything. It’s ok if the bread is wrapped
in a plastic bag—I might not have thumbs to open the bag like a human,
but I have really sharp teeth so I can just chew right through and
help myself to a slice. My roommate yells at me and asks me, what’s
the point of buying hugely expensive grain-free food when I’m just
going to eat an entire slice of bread? But she’s a total hypocrite
because she eats carbs all the time. Like yesterday she had two pieces
of cake. SO STOP JUDGING ME!

Vegan cheese

Once I tried a bite of Follow Your Heart mozzarella. I thought it was
real cheese, because I used to have this roommate who wasn’t vegan and
gave me way better snacks then I get now. (Sometimes she gave me
chunks of fish, it was awesome! Sorry, I know this is a vegan blog.)
This stuff does not taste like real cheese. I ate it off the kitchen
table and then I threw it back up right there. Not recommended.

Sleeping off a hangover.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you find these reviews helpful! My
roommate wanted me to add that I also enjoy eating my own hair off the
carpet, old coffee grounds (apparently cats aren’t supposed to have
caffeine either, who knew?), cardboard and dirt, but I don’t know what
she’s trying to say.