• 2 1/2 oz hot coconut chai tea – Zhena’s Gypsy Tea is a favorite in my household
• 1 – 1 1/2 oz vanilla infused whiskey (use less for a milder drink)*
• 1/8 oz liquid sweetener, such as dark agave or maple syrup
• splash of vanilla soy milk or coconut creamer (keep stirring)
• pinch of cinnamon

garnish

• 1 cinnamon stick
• fresh lemon

what to do

Steep the tea as directed, and set aside (and use while warm). Pour the sweetener, cinnamon and whiskey into your glass of choices. Slowly add in the hot tea, and stir well. Add soy milk or creamer, if desired, and stir vigorously. Garnish as desired, and give a final stir with a cinnamon stick, if using. Sip and enjoy your book.

Future toddy experiments are set to include pumpkin, peanut butter, super spicy and peachy.

Hi guys, Zelda here. I originally hail from a backyard in Brookline, Mass. and I was named when my human pals had a fleeting obsession with a Nintendo emulator back in college. Those were the days you could actually fall sleep on top of computer monitors! Anyway, I seem to have quite a popular name, so I do occasionally go by Zeldarella and Dorito.

Back in my younger, feral kitten days, I had a thing for sauteed mushrooms. That got old, and after a brief thing for nutritional yeast, I stuck to my meat cereal until I found something just as special as I was…leafy greens.

When we moved to Portland, Jess decided that she was growing up and learned to cook. She started adding the most irrestible greens into our diet: spinach, kale, chard, hell, I was even nibbling the collards.

I quickly became a salad aficionado.

I sniff ‘em out the moment Jess comes home from the five farmers markets she seems to go to per week. They don’t need washing – just throw them on the floor! I will hunt my way through bags of groceries if I have to, and no one wants me to eat plastic, right?

-At one point, we had a farmshare, and the variety of greens ruled! I’m not sure what Jess did besides take pictures of it, but I was content.

That is, until one awful day….-

Besides that fennel crap, I do consider myself adventurous about green vegetables. I like to investigate any type of greens – sauteed, steamed, braised, whatever you call it. Yeah, I’ll come licking your dinner bowl, but don’t expect me to finish. I want the fresh stuff.

Even though I’ve knocked over every basil and mint starter Jess has brought home (those are false greens!), is it so much to ask for that we have a freaking indoor garden? What type of vegan is she?

Now, as many of Jess’ friends can attest, I’m the real reason Jess does not keep beer in the house. She’ll tell you it’s gas, or it’s healthy, or it’s because she’s classy and prefers wine and cocktails, but really, it’s me. I’ll lick wine, but what’s the point? There are no bubbles!

I prefer porters and have a soft spot for Portland microbrews, but I’ll drink the heck out of anything made with hops. I’ll sniff out and lick cider, but it’s not really my thing. I just ruin it for everyone else. I’m really excited that Jess’ brother is supposed to come for Thanksgiving, because he always keeps a case of cheap beer in the fridge.-

Once, I had 4 licks of beer before someone noticed, and fell asleep while Jess read some book about sparkling vampires.

I’m sure you’re wondering…what sucks about life in Portland? Well, I have an awful roommate. His name is Huxley and I think he’s sleeping on a shelf in a closet somewhere. He has no appreciation for the finer things in life.

I thought you may need some more proof of my fine dining skills, so I got this from Jess’ archives:

Sorry, I got nervous on camera!

I am the Huxley, I speak for the cats

I speak for the cats cause that’s where it’s at.

All you well meaning humans with your parcels of food

I am here to tell you what is bad and what’s good.

I sniff at your agar and stare down your roots

But this is not food for which I give a hoot.

You have bags of fine noodles and boxes of tofu

But for cats with a hunger those simply will not do.

Some sort of pasta formed to miniature wheels,

I sniff at the box top but this is no deal.

Half peeled fruit that is orange and round;

I just look away and leave with no sound.

We hop on the table seeking tastier treats

but this pile of veggies is easy to beat.

Zelda is saddened and I’m feeling blue.

Oh foolish humans, what is a hungry cat to do?

But then from the freezer with a hue and a cry

I see what I want with a gleam in my eye!

So crispy and fried, potatoed and hot

All cats really want is their own bowl of tots.

What are your turn-ons?
Sunshine, blankets, olive oil—I’m a really down-to-earth girl. My favorite possession is a 10-year-old brush that’s really a dish-scrubber. It smelled weird when cold-roommate brought it home, but she said she just needed to “wash the Chinatown off,” and then it was cool. Oh, and I love books. I can’t read or anything, but I’m really into this lying on them (especially when someone is trying to read them).

Turn-offs?
Drunks and kids. Their erratic behavior confuses me. I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life, but if you come at me all out of control, I’m out of there. If everyone would just cool out with a bit of ‘nip, now there’s a vibe I can get down with. And don’t even think about dressing me up. I see all those fool dogs in their Halloween costumes and it makes me sad. We’re not humans—don’t put your trip on us.

How do you keep in shape?
I’m all about staying fit. At my age, every lick of Tofutti goes straight to my hips. My roommates are great about sparring with me, running around our pad, and they’re way into stringplay. I’ll admit, one thing I was all about as a kid but have let go is jumping up door frames. I used to be able to hit the high hinge with a running start.

Any indulgences you’re not proud of?
I already mentioned the ‘nip, didn’t I? No, you know what, I’m not ashamed of that. It’s an occasional treat, and it don’t hurt a soul. And the roommates get mad at me for eating things like pepper leaves and flowers—even though they’re just sitting right there. But there’s stuff I know I shouldn’t eat: Coconut Bliss, anything chocolate, nooch, potatoes, cookies…basically anything cold-roommate eats that doesn’t have garlic in it. I’d be better off with just warm-roommate; he eats lots of the same stuff, but he ruins everything with hot sauce.

What do you look for in a human?
I want someone who’ll meet me at my level. I just want respect, like any other cat. Someone who tries to pick me up right away—as if they own me—well, they won’t be holding me very long, I can promise you that. And body heat. I love cold-roommate because I’ve known her since I was a kid, but warm-roommate, damn, he’s comfy. I can sit on that lap until the end of time.

Sum it all up for us, what is Mädchen all about?
I’ll steal your water or I’ll steal your heart, your choice.

Hi, I’m Dinger McPuppenstein and I guess some girl with a scone or something wanted me to tell you about vegan food. Probably I would have been a lot happier if she had just, like, given me the scone.

I’m Willow and I would eat a scone!

I guess a lot of people don’t realize that I’m a flex-a-tarian or something. I’m pretty flexible about what eat, like, pretty much if it can fit in my mouth I’m probably going to at least try it. I should probably have a show on the food network, actually.

I think Dinger is so cool!

It’s, like, pretty hard to pick any favorites. I just learned about ice cream the other day, I see my human friends eating it all the time. I guess they realized how unfair it is that I mostly get dog food so they gave me, like, one bite. I grunted for about 20 minutes after that and she, like, only gave me a couple more bites. Sometimes you just have to stare at them until they realize how hungry you are. The weird thing is that they say they love animals and are against cruelty or whatever but then they spend all day cooking and, like, hardly give me anything. It has gotten to the point where they started to measure out all the food I get in a little measuring cup. It’s like they want me to beg. And then if I take stuff off their plate when they aren’t looking or get into the trash they act like it’s this huge deal. I’ve even fallen asleep while waiting for something from the table.

Once I stole someone’s sandwich out of their hand!

Sometimes if we go out I get to try things that I hadn’t before. Like, once, at the dog park there was some stupid baby running around with this thing called a lollypop. He was pretty short and I figured he knew about sharing so I took it. It was pretty good but then the humans grabbed it out of my mouth, can you believe that? They didn’t even eat it after that.

I barked the whole time!

And then another time we were at a kite festival and this baby was sitting in a stroller with a pile of snacks. He wasn’t even eating it so I just took the whole thing. Then they were like “we are never taking you to a kite festival again.

I like kites!

Sometimes when they feed me they just walk away and I have to just sit there and stare at them until they remember to add Chia Seeds and Nooch to my bowl. It’s like, “hello? where I am I supposed to get my Omega 3s and B vitamins?” They can just be so stupid.

I lick all the nooch off before I eat my food!

But they’re good people I guess. Usually we all sleep in a pile and that’s pretty cool. Unless someone takes my spot.

I love Dinger!!!

Besides hanging out with these two cuties, The Lazy Smurf also spends her time helping other animals – check out one of her latest projects, the collective Sunny Days in Texas cookzine. All sales of this zine go directly to Sunny Day Farms Animal Sanctuary in La Coste, Texas, which experienced an awful, lengthy draught this past summer. 

Listen up now, I’ve got some important advice for any of you kitties out there who might be interested in getting in on the People Food action.

It’s Yummers Potatoes here. You might remember me from Amey’s blog. Today, I’d like to talk about a subject that’s very dear to me, People Food. People Food is pretty good stuff… I’ve had the honor of eating such delicacies as tortilla chips, ice cream, and crackers. But most of all, I love the veggies. Back in the day I was into raisins and mango, but once I discovered veggies, there was just no going back. My favorites are the green veggies, like kale and spinach, broccoli and asparagus, and green beans, but I also really love corn, which is not green.

Here’s how you can get involved in eating People Food: My tactic was to start off by being very standoffish. When Amey and Matt first adopted me, I was sure to keep my distance. Anytime they tried to pet me, I would scamper off. When we all sat down on the sofa, I would sit three or four feet away. I called this “long distance snuggling.” Soon enough, they were becoming increasingly desperate for snuggles, and they started to offer me tasty little bits of People Food to see if they could draw me in closer. Don’t give in too quickly, friends! Take the morsel and run off again.

Once you have established a pattern of people giving you People Food, you need to learn how to ask for it more aggressively. As soon as you smell the broccoli cooking on the stove top, run into the kitchen and start meowing like crazy. This will send the message that you are interested. When they sit down to eat, jump up on their chair, or on the sofa next to them and look super cute. It might be a good idea to meow some more as well. If you are still not getting any broccoli handouts, you will need to be more proactive. As soon as they lift their fork from the plate, stick out your little paw and try to knock the broccoli off the fork! If it falls to the ground it will be all yours!

Best of all, those annoying dogs aren’t allowed to have people food, so I get to enjoy my asparagus and gloat over it while those poor saps stand by and watch. Mwahahahaha!

Good luck, feline friends. Stay strong and may the People Food soon be yours!